La Politesse en France

Comme nous sommes en train d'étudier "les bonnes manières à table" en classe, je vous transmets ci-dessous une partie de l'article d'Elaine Sciolino, paru dans le New York Times, sur la politesse en France:

...“It’s like a sport, you have to train hard,” said Marie de Tilly, a rail-thin expert on manners, who teaches a two-hour course in Paris to women who pay $90 to attend. “But once you train and know the rules, it all comes naturally.”

All can be lost in that first moment of acquaintance, Ms. de Tilly told a group of French and American women during a session last month in a hotel room adorned in brocade and silk.

“In the first 20 seconds, others will judge your look, in the second 20 seconds your behavior and the third 20 seconds your first words,” she said. “There is a code. If you don’t follow it properly, it will be very, very hard to make a comeback.”

The class learns classic 19th-century behavior: for example, that the woman — not the man — extends a hand for a handshake. A married woman should fold one hand over the other at the table, the better to show off her jewels.

A box of chocolates is an appropriate gift when invited for dinner, to be deposited at the entrance with a gift card. Flowers can be sent either just before the dinner or, better, the following day. Wine is not an appropriate dinner gift. (It assumes that the host does not have good taste.) Always arrive at a dinner party 15 minutes late.

Only a country bumpkin would say, “Bon appétit” at the start of a meal. Foie gras should be eaten with a fork, never spread on bread. If a woman’s wineglass needs filling, she should play with it until her male neighbor notices and fills it.

It is best to avoid using the powder room at all, but if there is absolutely no choice, it must be done discreetly.

“When you are at the table, you never get up, never,” Ms. Tilly said. “You never use the word ‘toilette.’ When there is a break — the best time is after dinner when you leave the table — you can ask, very discreetly, ‘May I wash my hands?’ ”

Etiquette has trickled down to a more popular level as well. Last year the French television station M6 ran a reality show dedicated to the “conquest of savoir-faire.” Eight young Eliza Doolittles from working class backgrounds were sent to a French chateau for a month to prepare themselves for a ball. Some of them regularly ate with their fingers. One had never worn a skirt.

Coaches taught them to speak, move, dress and eat properly, even how to nudge large shrimp out of the shell with knife and fork. The winner secured a place for herself in opening the Louis XIV Ball, a gala event for “aristocratic” families held every June in a Paris hotel...